


Disintegration

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-04
Updated: 2011-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-19 02:06:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12400890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: It was a question of clarity. Faced with the growing darkness the decision to unite took them seconds, but the clarity to love needed time. Their paths set out long before they set foot on them. Their only regret; not believing in the power of divination.Finally edited.





	1. Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

Chapter One: Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking  
Mid February 1977 

I've got this feeling that there something I missed  
~ Snow Patrol, Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking

* * *

"A Mudblood like yourself should know better than to be out wandering alone. After all, you don't have Snape to protect you anymore Evans." 

They circled in front of her, black cloaks flickering out behind them with every movement. Their piercing eyes focused on her, waiting like vultures for the only thing they wanted, to see her break.

Avery held her wand up in front of her face, his thin fingers twisting it this way and then that. His eyes teasing with every movement but she continue to look into the distance, refusing to flinch. The graze of the pavement was stinging her left hand and side, and the small trickle of blood from their initial strike had now run its way down to the bottom of her cheek, leaving behind a heavy, sticky feeling on her skin but she refused to reach up and wipe it. Instead she returned to staring aimlessly into the distance waiting for their next move. Yet it seemed that they were as unsure as she as to what was to come next. The small immodest side of her was forced to acknowledge that they had probably not expected to catch her off-guard as they did and, consequently, had not planned further than the initial attack. So, to bide the time, they would play on the only thing that had the potential to affect her every time. Severus. 

"You see we always knew he'd come to his senses. We were just biding our time until he realised that you were just another useless little Mudblood." 

"You don't know anything about it," she spat angrily, momentarily forgetting her earlier decision to stay silent. 

"Don't I?" Avery questioned her. "You see, I know a lot more about it than you think. Wake up mudblood, don't you read the Prophet, we might as well be at war now and everyone has to pick a side. Did you really think he was going to pick yours?"

She paused slightly, struggling to regain her composure, had everything become as black and white as war, the good side and bad side. She refused in Severus' case to believe the lines were that clear let alone already drawn. "If you honestly believe," she warned him, her voice as strong as she could manage, "That he's going to follow you blindly then you still have a lot to learn."

Her words triggered something in Mulciber and suddenly it was as though he finally realised that she was at his mercy and a small smile teased Avery's pale, drawn face and he spun her wand quickly around his fingers once more. "Hear that Mulciber," he told the blonde to his left who had remained silent throughout the exchange hands stuffed in his pockets as he watched the exchange with a mingled curiosity. "She thinks we have a lot to learn about Severus. Maybe we should show her what he taught us yesterday."

Mulciber nodded, finally accepting his cue, 'Tell us Mudblood," he spoke at last. "Did you know how many dark curses he knew?"

She didn't respond, her mind momentarily captured by their words. Lying would make her seem ignorant and foolish. To admit the truth would be to admit they were right. For she had known from the beginning of his addiction to the darkest of magic, an obsession that was both impressive and petrifying, for she had always known that the knowledge he sought would be lethal in the wrong hands. 

ÒOr how many he is learning?" Mulciber continued, his confidence growing as he realised how they had her both physically and metaphorically back into a corner. 

ÒOr perhaps you'd rather we showed you," Avery sneered. "Perhaps that would jog your memory?"

The two exchanged a glance and Mulciber too drew his wand. For a moment Lily could have sworn she saw fear flash into his eyes, however, it was instantly replaced with anticipation as he tightened his grip around the end of it. Still Avery held hers, suspended between his thumb and forefinger letting it rock gently. All three pairs of eyes turned to watch it as it slowly came to still. Avery raised his arm, and with a final vindictive smile in Lily's direction he flung her wand behind him without a glance. He waited, until he heard the sound of wood collide with the pavement before his smiled turned into a cunning and satisfied grin. "Ready for your lesson Mudblood. For there are a lot of things I know about dear Severus that you don't."

Lily closed her eyes, her teeth biting the inside of her mouth in a determined attempt not to cry out at whatever came next. But she never had the opportunity to find out what Snape had taught them. 

"Hey," a shout sounded in the distance, and her teeth relaxed as her eyes shot open to look up and see the familiar cause. Mulciber and Avery did not turn, knowing just as well as Lily whose yell that was, and the pair of them took off sprinting over the fields neighbouring fields in the direction of the castle without a backwards glance. 

A little to Lily's surprise Remus reached her first, kneeling down beside her. "What happened?" he asked breathlessly. 

"They just corned me. Took my wand before I even saw them coming," she added glancing around the pavement.

"Here," James arrived at her side holding out her wand, although his eyes continued to dart around their surroundings as if hoping to catch some hint of movement. "They took off somewhere into the forest the bastards." 

"Thanks," she moved to stand up but Remus put a gloved hand on her shoulder. 

"Just wait a second. Are you sure you're not hurt? How badly did they try and curse you?"

She shook her head. "Nothing major. They seemed to be here more for the chat than anything else."

"What did they want to talk about?" James asked finally ceasing his searching to come and sit down beside her.

She hesitated for a second. "Nothing new. Just the same crap they've been repeating for years." 

He nodded, glancing a Remus. "You should go to Madame Pomphrey for that cut,Ó the latter told her, as she finally reached up and touched and the sticky trickle which had reached her chin. 

"Oh no. I'm fine I promise. I'd rather just go to the village and enjoy the rest of my day. IÕm sure they want me to go running scared and IÕm not going to give them the satisfaction."

The two boys exchanged another look, before Remus hesitantly agreed. "Ok. We should mend it though," he told her, "You're better at healing spells than me," he added looking at James.

James drew out his wand and raised it towards her face. "You mind?" he asked nervously. 

"I'm sure you've had practice," she muttered, raising her eyebrows at him.

He smiled. "By that I'm going to assume you mean Quidditch," he joked, although it was impossible to ignore the awkwardness as swished his wand across the cut in a quick precise movement. 

She felt a soft twinge on her skin. "Thank you," she muttered, pulling a tissue out of her pocket to wipe her cheek. She smiled as her fingers stroked the repaired skin before she held her grazed hand out to him. "Can you do this as well?" she asked, and with another swish of his wand she watched as her graze began to heal. "You should probably go to Pomphrey to check it when we get back, not as good with grazes," he admitted sheepishly. 

She looked at her hand, "It's good," she reassured him. "Thanks.Ó

Remus and James exchanged another glance. ÒWhere is it you were heading?Ó Remus asked her. 

The Three Broomsticks, I was supposed to meet Lauren ages ago. You two donÕt mind if I walked into the village with you, would you?"

"Not at all," James replied as Remus added, "The more the merrier." He held his hand out to help her up. She took it awkwardly and rose to her feet. She brushed down her robes, grateful that it had been a dry day, and tucked her now retrieved wand back inside of them. 

They walked in silence the rest of the way into the village. James had made a futile attempt at small talk but for once his heart didn't seem to be in it and he gave up leaving each of them to their own thoughts. She hadn't realised how cold it was until they began to walk, and she pulled her coat tighter across her chest, as a bitter wind whipped about her cheeks. Remus kept shooting her sideways glances but she didn't notice. He gave her another glance, before looking at James, who was walking with his hands stuffed into his pockets. Had her mind been focused she too would have noticed the awkwardness of the situation. However, her mind was still distracted by Avery's words. Had Snape finally chosen their side? Of course she knew of his obsession with Dark Magic and of the pressure he had been under from others in his house but was he now the one teaching new spells to bully people like her. She wondered if her refusal of his apology had tipped him over the edge. The word was unforgivable, she told herself for the hundredth time, as was the way he treated other Muggleborns. They had not spoken all summer. She had travelled for a bit with her Dad, grateful to be able to avoid both Severus and Petunia, before spending the rest of it cooped up either at home or in the garage when he was working. Then came the September 1st, then classes, then Christmas, and now months later she had resided herself to the fact that they would probably never speak again. 

The village was full. Being the first Hogsmeade visit of the Spring Term it seemed everyone, students and professors alike, had decided to take a break. She glanced at a fourth year couple she knew to be Slytherins sitting side by side on a bench laughing. Lily considered the way the young girl blushed as he placed an arm around her; the hesitation of his moves as he relaxed his head on top of hers showed it was their first date. Had Avery been right, she wondered bitterly, had the time come when there could no longer be innocent bystanders and everyone was forced to pick their side? Had that couple, so innocent in their initial teenage years, already picked their side? Surely, she thought to herself, everyone had more time.

The Three Broomsticks was naturally crammed, yet Rosmerta, the young barmaid that had only taken over the running of the pub two years before, glanced up and waved at James as they entered. He winked in return heading to the bar leaving Remus and Lily to search for Lauren. 

They found her in a booth, flicking through the Daily Prophet a look on her face showed obvious annoyance at whatever she was reading. She looked up with a frown as they approached her, "Nice of you to finally join me," she muttered sarcastically at Lily, folding the paper. 

"Sorry," Lily replied squeezing herself into the opposite side of the booth.

Lauren looked at Remus for a second, who was hovering awkwardly by the edge of the table and then back to Lily. "What's going on?" she asked, moving along the bench and indicating that Remus should take a seat beside her. He did so but said nothing. Lauren tucked a stray lock of blonde hair behind her ear and frowned at them both. "Well?"

Lily began slowly to tell the whole story until the moment when Remus and James had turned up. Lauren sat and listened, reaching her hand across the table in an attempt to grab Lily's, but Lily used her movement as a chance to steal the paper, leaving Remus to continue the story alone. She turned it round so she could see the headline, 'Ministry Appeal For More Information Over Auror Disappearances.' A sick feeling began to rise in her throat. 

"We should report it," Lauren declared angrily. "Let's go now and find McGonagall."

"What's the point?" Lily asked, her eyes scanning the article. One question kept repeating itself over and over in her head: was this really a war?

"What don't you report it?" her friend urged. "Neither you or Mary ever report it. You take it and they get away with it again and again."

"Because there's no point," Lily replied shortly, her eyes still reading the Prophet; this conversation was getting old. "They might get a detention and that doesn't mean anything to them."

"But why isn't Dumbledore expelling them?" Lauren continued furiously. 

"Because he can keep an eye of them in Hogswarts," James replied, he had returned to table carrying four Butterbeers, he placed them down and passed one to Lily. "Here you go." 

"Thanks," she replied, not quite meeting his eyes, now the shock had worn off she could feel the tension between them. They had not spoken since after the Defence exam last May. Both of them were too embarrassed to raise the subject and it seemed somehow a mutual agreement had been reached that it was simply easier to ignore the other instead. He was stung by the rejection. She was embarrassed by what she had said to him, he was arrogant yes, he bullied yes, but he hadn't deserved some of it. The unspoken truth was that she felt stupid for letting him get under skin, for him to only let her down. 

He sat down and took a sip of his drink. "They can push it but only so far." His voice was quieter than Lily had ever heard it, as he chose his words carefully and she finally looked up at him. It struck how, from behind the glass, his eyes betrayed everything he was trying so carefully to mask. "But outside who knows what they'll be trained to do." He indicated the article Lily was still holding. "They're everywhere." He looked older than Lily had ever seen him and Lily was yet again left wondering how much had changed in the last year. 

Lauren snatched the paper back from Lily, knocking some of her drink onto the table in the process. "Its bollocks," she muttered.

"Maybe," Lily told them. "But Avery seemed quite sure we'd find our answers in there," she indicated the paper. "Asked me if I read the Prophet."

"Who cares what that sod thinks," Lauren mutted, raising her tankard and taking a long slug. 

Silence took over the table as they drank. Lily was at a loss of what to say. She looked up at James but he was looking around the pub as if searching for something. Remus finished his drink and put it down on the table and James quickly followed suit, one more looking about him. "We should get going," he said hesitantly, dusting the front of his robes.

Remus nodded turning to Lily. "You sure you're alright?" 

"Of course. Thank you both for your help but please go and enjoy your day. I'm sure you have supplies you need to be getting," she hoped she had managed to keep the disapproval out of her voice. "Have a nice day," she added with a smile. 

The boys nodded and turned to leave the pub. "Oh and Potter," she called after him and he turned back. "Please let it go," his eyes bore into hers for a second but she refused to look away. "Please," she repeated. "You can't do anything about it." 

He broke away from her gaze and seemed to be fighting an inner struggle before he slowly nodded. 

"Thank you." 

* * *

He glanced up and down the main street of Hogsmeade once more, but there was still no sign of them. A small group of what James recognised to be Hufflepuff fifth years had congregated at the towards the far end, where the path began to snake up to Hogwarts, and he glared at them through the glass for blocking his view to the rest of the village. Of course he knew that Mulciber and Avery were both now long gone, probably back in their Common Room laughing and joking with their friends about the whole incident. The thought made him clench his hand tighter still around the wand inside the pocket of his robes. 

"Prongs," he turned to see Remus staring at him, holding several packets up to his face. "How many Dungbombs did Padfoot want?

"Can't remember," James shrugged, returning his gaze to the window. "Get him a couple of packets for now. We can just pop in if we run out."

ÒYou want anything?" Remus pressed.

"Nope, not really," he replied, turning again in the direction of the Three Broomsticks as Remus continued to hover beside him. "And whatever you want to say Moony do us both a favour and just say it," he told him.

"You're not seriously going to go after them are you?"

"I said I wasn't, didn't I," he responded.

"Technically you didn't say anything, you just nodded."

"Same thing." 

"Yet you've been staring out the window ever since we got in here and rather forcefully at Lucy Robinson."

He finally turned away from the window to face Remus, "Who?"

"The brunette you're giving the death glare to for the last five minutes, she's Lucy Robinson, a Hufflepuff prefect," Remus clarified. 

James looked briefly back in the direction of said Hufflepuff and then back to Remus. "Perhaps Hogsmeade is just losing its charm," he countered stubbornly, lowering his voice to a whisper. "We don't exactly limit our visits to Hogsmeade weekends now do we?"

Remus smiled. "True, but either way I think you need to let it go."

"I'm sick of school," he muttered, taking the packets from Remus' hand and strolling to the counter, picking up a few items as he weaved his way through the masses of students who had flocked to the shop. 

"They weren't all Padfoot's, some of those were mine," Remus pointed out, indicating the pile that was forming in James' arms as they reached the queue for the till. 

"I won't get you a birthday present or something," he answered quickly knowing it was a pointless lie, before continuing as though he had never been interupted. "I mean what is the point of being of age this year if we can't actually do anything with it."

"If you can't go after Mulciber without getting detention you mean." 

"Yeah, getting detention is definitely my worry here," he sighed. "I just want to do something other than homework Moony, something important."

"You're spending time on homework now?"

James shot him a look. "I mean there's a whole world outside, a world that is apparently falling apart at every moment and the only responsibility anyone gives us it to report it to a member of staff who will, and I quote from my last session with McGonagall, handle it accordingly."

"So do that?" Remus offered lamely. 

"What's the point?" He rested his products on the countered and pushed a frustrated hand through his hair. "You heard Evans there is none. It'll go to their Head of House and Slugy won't do anything about it will he?" 

"Oh I don't know about that," Remus objected. "He loves Lily, she is his favourite pupil. He might do more than you give him credit for." 

"And potentially ruin his contacts, he has his favourites sure but he also understands the importance of wizarding surnames." 

"It's gets you out of detention often enough."

Before James could retort the sales woman began cashing up their good and he reached inside of his robes for the change. 

"There is something you can do about it," Remus reminded him casually as they left the shop. "It might not seem like anything but you can kick their arse at Quidditch next week. Remember you're all that stands between Mulciber winning the cup in his last year. You might want to focus your efforts on that rather than seeking revenge for Lily." 

There it was. The words that James had been half waiting for with nervous anticipation, although he wasn't sure if this was because he didn't want to talk to Remus about it or didn't want to think about the fact full stop. "Do you want to go anywhere else?" James asked as they stepped outside, he checked his watch. "Padfoot and Wormtail should be out of detention by now." 

Remus checked his own watch; Filch would surely not have let them out of detention before midday. "Um, not really. Perhaps we should head back," he agreed anyway. 

"And I'm not seeking revenge for Lily," James added as they began making their way back up the path. 

"I'm sorry?"

"You said that I needed to seek revenge for Evans well I don't. I want to find him because he's an arsehole and a bully who seems to be getting away with it because no one is saying anything. He can't go around getting away with this stuff just because his parents happen to both have been wizards and hers weren't, it's not right. I'd want to go after them whoever they'd been hexing." 

"But it was Lily," Remus reminded him. 

"It doesn't matter who it was," he replied evenly. "I'd still want to hex their heads off."

"Exactly," Remus countered fairly. "And yet you haven't gone after them. Sure you've spent half an hour gazing the streets of Hogsmeade for them but you could have gone after them by now. You could have gone over the fields after them an hour ago but you didn't." 

"Moony, I'm really not sure what you're saying." 

"Aren't you?"

"Not really, no."

"As you said getting detention is the least of your worries so why haven't you gone after them?" 

He considered it for a second. "So you want me to go after them now." 

Remus rolled his eyes. "Since when have you not done something because I didn't want you to do it? I've told you plenty of things are bad ideas in the past and you've done them anyway." 

"That's usually because you're either wrong, being a woman, or a prefect, you can take your pick," James replied with a smirk.

Remus rolled his eyes again, "And you're still avoiding the question," he pointed out.

James looked at him. "She asked me not to," he admitted. 

Remus said nothing just nodded. 

"No more smart remarks about it Moony."

"I thought it was a taboo topic to be honest, I mean you and Lily that is," Remus told him. "I mean after that day, the Defense Exam, I figured you were done and we weren't to speak of it."

"Nothings taboo," he shoved his hands in his pockets. "It never stopped Pads anyway."

"Subtlety never was his strong point."

"True."

"It's not yours either," Remus reminded him, "Which brings us back to the point at hand." 

James sighed. "Look, what happened, well," he frowned slightly. "She said her piece and I heard her loud and clear. I'm letting it go."

"Letting it?"

"Seriously Moony, grammar technicalities now. It's like having a conversation with my mother." 

"You're not correcting it."

"There's nothing to correct." 

"Ok." 

They walked in silence for a few minutes. "Sometimes I hate you Moony," James mumbled. 

* * *

"And then," Mary was saying, the Gryffindor sixth-year girls dormitory hung with a silent expectation, "Well," she blushed heavily and began to fumble with the duvet, "Well, then he kissed me." Finally she gave into temptation and sunk her head into the covers. 

"You kissed," Bertha squealed clapping her hands, while Hestia and Lauren punched the air. Mary nodded slowly looking up a little from the duvet, her cheeks still burning bright red. "Oh I so knew it." 

All five girls had flung themselves onto Mary's bed the she had arrived back from Hogsmeade for the breakdown of her date, her first ever Hogsmeade date to be precise, with Simon the Hufflepuff, who she'd silently fancied since they were paired together in a fourth year Ancient Runes project. The evidence of todayÕs Hogsmeade trip was the mass of clothes, hair and beauty products that were now strewn about the dormitory on every surface and now ignored thanks to the more pressing matter of the post-date breakdown. "And?" Bertha pressed, leaning forward slightly. 

"And, what?" Mary asked quickly, turning so she could hide slightly behind her long blonde hair. 

Hestia rolled her eyes from the position at the head of the bed, where she had been considering an Every Flavoured Bean with great care. "And what?!" she repeated incredulously, putting the bean back into its box. "And, what's happening now? Are you two officially dating?"

"Are you his girlfriend?" Bertha shot in. 

"I think so," Mary mumbled blushing even brighter. "I mean, yes I suppose I am. We're meeting up tomorrow in the library to study. We have that Runes test on Tuesday."

"Romantic," Lauren grinned whilst Bertha clapped her hands excitedly once more. 

"Oh, leave her alone," Lily smiled.

Lauren lent forward and gave her a hug. "Its so great Mary, we're so happy for you. Anyway," she turned to Bertha, "Don't think you're getting off easily, how was your day?"

Bertha gave a small shudder. "I think Michael and I are meant to be just friends. It'll be better for all parties."

"We warned you," Hestia told her.

"Oh, then we should have warned you. The guy is such a bore."

"He's not that bad," Mary and Lauren interjected. 

"Please, even Lily said you'd have a more intellectual conversation with a piece of wood."

"I was not that harsh," Lily argued defensively. 

"Yes you were," Emmie reminded her. "After you got stuck talking to him at Slughorn's Christmas party, you remember, when you were trying to avoid Snape. I think the punch may have loosened your tongue but still those were your words." 

"The punch shouldn't have had the ability to loosen my tongue," Lily pointed out. 

Hestia shrugged. "You should be grateful it did, could you imagine having to deal with it sober."

"Exactly," Bertha agreed. "I could have done with done with some of that punch. Well, I would have settled for boring conversation instead of no conversation. I mean seriously a plank of wood might have had more to say." She leant over and took the box of sweets from Hestia. 

"I'd be careful," Hestia warned her, "Lily apparently chooses the box with all the weird flavours in. 

Lily looked up from yesterday's Prophet. "They're Every Flavoured Beans," she pointed out. "They're supposed to be weird. It's sort of the point." 

"So by friends you mean?" Lauren asked Hestia ignoring Lily.

"Someone I will acknowledge in the corridors and might be useful to copy homework off occasionally." 

This time it was Lily who rolled her eyes as Mary exclaimed, "That's mean." 

"Harsh but true," Bertha replied as Lauren nodded in agreement. 

"At least he's not terrible to look at." 

Bertha shook her head. "I don't need eye candy are you lot forgetting Sirius Black is in our class. On that note," it was the opening she had been waiting for. "I heard he's got a bit of a thing for the Head Girl." 

"Dorcas?" Lily asked.

"Apparently." 

Lauren laughed. "Oh let it be true. Please let it be true. Could you imagine him dating the Head Girl it would just be too perfect for words." 

"And I thought James liking Lily was stretching the trouble-makers," Bertha mumbled. 

"Oh speaking of," Hestia looked at Lily. "I saw him in the library this afternoon, before I thought anyone would have been back. He asked after you, said he'd better let you explain why though. I nearly forgot about it." 

"Oh,Ó Lily waved her hand. "It was nothing don't worry about it."

Lauren who had been absent-mindedly fiddling with Mary's hair looked up with a start. "It was not nothing. It was a pretty big something actually."

"Can we not make this a bigger deal than it has to be," Lily asked her. "Please." 

"Make what a bigger deal than it has to be?" Bertha asked, watching as Lauren and Lily stared at each other with equal amounts of indignation. 

"Lily," Mary asked softly. "What happened?"

Lily shook her head. "How much did Potter tell you?" she asked Lauren.

"Not much. Just asked if you were back yet and I said I hadn't seen you. Don't know what he was doing in the library but he seemed to have something pretty big on his mind. He didn't even mention the Slytherin game and that's all he's been able to talk about for over a week now."

Lily sighed heavily. "Can you lot please promise not to over react?" 

"That depends on what you're going to say," Hestia responded, but still she nodded slowly. 

"I was already running late to Hogsmeade," Lily told them. "I realised I still had that Charms book that was meant to be back to the library on Thursday but Mary was going to be late for her date so I said I'd just walk in when I'd been to the Library and meet Lauren in the Three Broomsticks but then I got distracted in the Common Room talking to Chris about his healer application. Anyway, by this time most people were in the village and there was no one really walking down from Hogwarts. As I was walking along the path I got hexed by Muliber. He was with Avery. It wasn't that bad, their initial hex had cut my face and they had my wand but they didn't seem to know what they were doing to be honest. I don't think they'd followed me or anything," she added. "Just that they'd seen me and thought why the hell not, they never really need an excuse for these things." She felt a regret at saying this and stopped when she caught the nervous look on Mary's face. 

"Oh my-"

"Are you alright?"

"You've told McGonagall right?"

"How did James know this?"

Bertha and Hestia's questions came at Lily all at once. "No I haven't told McGonagall," she told Bertha. "Let's be honest what's the point? She can't do anything about it unless she sees it and it's just my word against theirs."

"But your word is pretty reliable."

"Irrelevant, whose word it is. It's still mine against theirs."

"But hang on," Bertha interrupted before Hestia could argue. "If you haven't told anyone, I mean we didn't even know, how did James know?"

"I was getting to that bit," she shot a look at Hestia and she feel silent to hear the rest. "He was coming into the village with Remus, don't know why it was just the two of them but it was. Potter just yelled something and Mulciber and Avery scarpered. Perhaps they were just surprised someone else was around or they couldn't be bothered to take on Potter, I don't know but they just ran off. Potter healed my cut and he and Remus walked me to the village. So, I'm fine," she concluded quickly, although her voice betrayed the fact that she was trying to convince herself of this just as much as the others. "Everything was fine in the end we all had a drink in the Three Broomsticks and everyone went about the rest of their day as if nothing had happened." 

"But something did happen," Lauren reminded her. "A pretty big something," she repeated HestiaÕs words with a nod in her direction. "So everything is most certainly not fine." 

"This is why I didn't want to tell you, can we please try not to make this worse?"

"Ok sure, but what happens if Potter and Lupin aren't there next time, how far are we going to let them go before we say something." 

Hestia looked at Lily, "Lauren's right, you can't keep letting them get away with this." 

"I've already told you it's-"

"But," Hestia and Lauren interrupted. 

"There's no use," but it was not Lily who spoke these words and the four girls turned to stare at Mary who had finally spoken. "Lily's right, there's no use. We've tried reporting it and it makes no difference. To be honest it seems to spur them on. It's not fair and it's not right but there is nothing we can do about it."

The dormitory fell into silence, as each of the five girls were left to their thoughts. Lily and Mary were refusing to meet anyone else's eyes while Lauren and Hestia were staring at each other as though both daring the other to argue. "Wait," Bertha exclaimed. "Did you say you and Potter had a drink?" 

Lily looked up. "Yeah, in the Three Broomsticks," she said, not sure where this was going. 

"Wow," Bertha said. "I bet that was awkward." 

"Oh yeah," Lauren agreed with a nod. "You could cut the tension with a knife. Between the whole hexing thing and the fact it was Lily and James and the conversation that was mostly about the treatment of potential Death Eaters who may or may not be trained to kill us all, it was probably the most uncomfortable drink I've have since, well, ever really. After all, I don't think I've seen you and James together since," she paused, whether to actually consider an answer or for dramatic effect Lily wasn't sure. "It's been a while," she finished lamely.

"Yeah it has." 

"Well he used to be around rather a lot," Bertha reminded them with a smile. "I guess it was-"

"After the Defence exam," Lily finished lamely. "Yeah I know."

"Honestly," Hestia's eyes shot up to her; Lily noted she had been fixed on arranging Mary's hair. What had happened last summer between one of her roommates and her childhood friend was a conversation she tried to avoid at all costs. "But that was like over six months ago. You haven't spoken to him in that long." 

Lily shook her head. "It wasn't like we were close friends before," she reminded them, not entirely sure why she felt the need to defend herself. 

"Not like Snape," Bertha pressed. 

"No, not like Severus." What had happened between her and her childhood friend was a conversation she tried to avoid at all costs. 

"But that's different," Hestia pointed out. "I mean sure you two were close but only because you chose to be. You and James are in the same house. You have mutual friends, the same classes, actually aren't you the only two Gryffindors taking Arithmacy," Lily nodded, "And yet you haven't spoken in months."

"No, not really." There was silence for a moment. "But we need to."

"You do?" she asked inquisitively. 

Lily nodded. "Just to say thanks. I mean it could have been a lot worse if they hadn't turned up."

Hestia gave her a weird look, before she returned to plaiting Mary's hair. "Enough of this talk. Tell us more about your date Mary," she teased, watching as her friend's blush rose once more. 

* * *

"Lily," the whisper came out the dark from the bed next to hers. "I know you're awake I can hear you tossing and turning." 

"I'm awake," she whispered, rolling onto her back and placing her hands behind her head. A few seconds later she heard a quick padding of feet and a weight at the end of her bed, and someone drawing the hangings around them. "Lumos," Hestia muttered into the darkness, the soft light from her wand reflected off the hangings and cast the bed in a strange red glow. 

"You ok?" Lily asked her.

"Yeah," she replied quickly, just some things on my mind that's all. "You?"

"It's been a strange day."

Hestia nodded, pulling Lily's dressing gown that had been discarded at the end of the bed around her shoulders and over her Falmouth Falcon pyjamas. She tucked her bobbed brown hair under the towelled hood "It has." 

"I still can't believe you spent Hogsmeade hiding in the library."

"I was not hiding," she defended. "I was avoiding an unnecessary confrontation." 

Lily raised an eyebrow at her. 

"Some Valentine's weekend," Hestia muttered bitterly tucking her feet underneath her. 

"It could have been worse," Lily reminded her. "Hestia," she leant her head back and stared at the hangings above the bed. "How did everything end up like this?"

Hestia shook her head. "I don't know."

"Please be careful Lily." She seemed to be picking her words extremely carefully. "What happened last summer shook him up more than you realised. Things had been strained between the boys all year, I think it had something to do with whatever James saved Snape from, he won't tell anyone the details, but something snapped in him after the OWLs. I don't know what exactly but I think you really hurt him." 

"I didn't mean to." 

"I know," Hestia told her. "It's just that you seemed to be warming towards him after all those rumours with Snape and I think he thought he might have finally had a shot with you but he screwed it up. 

"I-"

"You defended him to Severus," Hestia reminded her, before she could argue. 

"Yes, but," she paused considering it. She had defended him. She had called Severus ungrateful for badmouthing him, of course she had followed it by agreeing with the sentiment that he was an arrogant bully but they had been empty words said as an immediate reaction. After all, he had shown a different side to himself and since he had saved Severus' life, the circumstances of which still remained firmly clouded in mystery although she could not shake off the impression that it had had something to do with Remus, and they had been growing closer. It was ever so subtle, something that would not have been noticed by any outsiders perhaps but it was still there and slowly she had begun to try and get to know him. It had taken the majority of the summer to allow herself to accept that the reason she had been so upset that day is that she had finally started to look at James in a different light for him to go and regress right back the bully that Severus had always demanded that he was. This time using her a trade off in this stupid feud of theirs which seemed never ending. She remembered his words, ÔGo out with me Evans and I'll never set a wand on old... again.Õ "I thought he was changing." 

Hestia shook her head. "He might be growing up a little sure, but he's not changing, he hasn't changed. He saved Snape's life because that's who he is, not because he's becoming a better person. Sure he acts like a twat a great deal of the time and, yes, he's a troublemaker but he's not a bad person Lily." She sighed softly, "Look, I will never say what the two of them do to Snape is right but its not just James and Sirius. What's being going has been going on since first year and between all three of them. You have a tendency to get involved in things between them Lily. Its sort of what you do, or what you used to do."

"I shouldn't have needed to defend Severus in the first place." 

"He knows this," Hestia implored. "Honestly, you might find it hard to believe but he knows it was wrong and that he made a mistake but it doesn't mean he's alright with what was said." She shrugged. "Look, I know you and Snape were friends but James really liked you and you knew that too. All I'm saying is Snape isn't innocent in this. He plays as good as he gets when it comes to hexing James and yet when James does it back you get so angry with him. Do you think Snape defends you and Mary to his friends but when James tried to defend you you rounded on him."

"Yes well I think I well and truly learnt my lesson that day."

Hestia let out a faint grimace. "I think you should talk to James, believe me it would be nice for you two to put everything behind you. All I'm saying is your words hurt him just as much as his actions hurt yours that day."

She sat in silence for a moment. 

"I wish you could have both Lily for your sake. I wish you could be friends with James and Snape but you can't. There's too much bad blood there."

Lily nodded. "Do you think it's war Hestia?" she whispered the question, lowering her eyes to the duvet with the hope that her friend might not see the fear in her eyes. 

"It's starting to seem that way. I don't know much more than anyone else to be honest but Charlus, Potter, James' dad," she clarified quickly, "He seems to the think it has the potential to come to that. He's the only adult I know that'll ever really speak honestly about the whole thing, everyone else keeps telling us we're in school we're much too young, that we should finish our education and try not to let these things bother us until they have to." 

"I miss first year," Lily muttered.

Hestia nodded and lay down on the bed. 

"No drama, less homework, no responsibility."

"No boys," Hestia added. 

Lily smiled. "No boys," she agreed.

"Is it really over," Hestia asked softly. "You and Snape?"

Lily sighed heavily, wondering whether or not she could finally bring herself to say the words out loud. "Yeah, it's really over." Hestia lent forward and placed her hand in hers. "Bloody Slytherins," she muttered. Lily looked at the maroon and gold bedspread and smiled. 

"Bloody Slytherins," she agreed. 

 

AuthorÕs Note: Finally properly edited the whole chapter for grammar mistakes, terribly sorry that there were so many in the first place. Let me know if you see anymore. Thanks very much for reading and please let me know what you think.


	2. Run This Town

** Chapter 2 - Run This Town  
** _Late February 1977_

_The only thing that's on my mind is whose gonna run this town tonight  
~ Run This Town, Jay-Z_

* * *

James swished his wand over the parchment and once again the players on the plan in front of him came to life, their stick figures acting out the formation that the team had spent six weeks practising, and he, thanks to some serious note taking during the Slytherin versus Ravenclaw game, and a small amount of spying on their practices, had spent even longer perfecting. He watched the dot labelled Lauren pass the Quaffle left to him, before receiving it back, then passing it right and finally receiving it back once more to put it in the bottom hoop. He ran a hand through his hair as the chasers on the parchment swapped positions, hopefully to prevent the keeper from focusing his defence on any one chaser or hoop. The stakes on this game were so much higher than any other the team would play this year. It was the game they had to win in order to win the cup, and James had heard the whispers in the Common Room loud and clear regarding the possibility that they could lose the cup for a second year in a row - the two years he had been captain.

On top of this he couldn't help but continually play the events of the previous Saturday over and over in his head and the subsequent conversation with Remus. He seemed to have seen Mulciber countless times since the weekend; the bastard appeared to be haunting him, as if goading him to act. Yet he did nothing and now Remus' words seemed to be playing on a constant loop in his mind. _'There is something you can do about it... You're all stands between Mulciber winning the cup in his last year... revenge for Lily.'_ Lily. He shook his head. "Focus," he muttered to himself, "You have a game to win."

He took of his glasses, and rubbed his eyes before picking up his wand. He pointed it at the glasses on the desk, muttered "Impervius," and settled them back on his noise. With a final glance at the parchment that was now ragged from constant alterations he curled it back up and, clutching it tightly in his hand, left the Captain's Office.

"Right then," he announced, as he entered the main changing room. He gestured to everyone before he took a step onto one of the benches he considered his teammates who gathered around him. "You don't need me to tell you the facts you know them. If we win today the likelihood is we will win the Cup. Short of a real stuff up against Ravenclaw but you saw them against Slytherin."

"Flattened," Robert Smith, the tallest and stockiest of his team, remarked, adding a swing of his Beater's bat for dramatic effect.

"Exactly," James agreed, looking slightly disgruntled with the interruption. "So this is the game for us. We had a convincing win against Hufflepuff so it just needs to be a win of some kind. Now last year was a bit of a disappointment," he swallowed, trying to ignore the thought that to lose for the second year in a row would let them all down once again, and continued, "But we were a new team back then," he observed them all as they looked back at him. "We're better this year, more experienced. Why do you think they had the schedule altered the cheating buggers? Because now they're the new team and they're scared of us, they know we're the best bloody team in this school. So let's go out there and show them because I'll be damned if Mulciber is getting his grubby, cheating hands on that trophy two years in a row."

"Here, here," Simon Milton confirmed, raising his bat to which Smith joined in, the pair evidently thinking the speech over.

James raised his hand and they both stopped swinging mid air, lowering their bats slowly. James waited before he continued. "But I want to give you all something else to consider." He allowed himself one last doubt as to whether or not to tell them the real reason he wanted to win so badly but he owed them all complete honesty. "Last Hogsmead weekend Mulciber and that stupid sixth-year tag along Avery decided to bully a Gryffindor Muggleborn on the way to Hogsmeade because apparently they're better than she is. You can decide which one it was for yourselves it doesn't really matter. Now I can't go after him. None of us can. What we can do is make sure that he doesn't win his last ever Quidditch Cup. Even if they have a better team than last year they still won't be as good as us. So please, dear Merlin, winning this thing is the only thing that stands between me duelling the bastard in the Great Hall so, for the sake of my education, let's go out there and show them that if you take on one Gryffindor the rest don't just lie down and take it. You take on them all."

He jumped down from the bench, as this team-mates clapped. "Hands," he ordered, and one by one all their hands made it into the circle. "For Gryffindor," he chanted.

"For Gryffindor," they repeated, drawing their hands out of the circle and each reaching for their brooms.

Hestia smiled at him. "Nice speech captain," she muttered, fixing her hair into a tight bun.

"I wasn't kidding," he muttered, through gritted teeth, picking up her broom and handing it to her. "Catch that damn snitch or I'm hexing him into next week."

* * *

The players had not even made it onto the pitch but as she climbed the steps to get the best view possible Lily could feel the tension hanging heavily in the air. She made her way along the stands glancing around for Mary and Bertha and regretting her decision to stop and talk to some fellow prefects for the place was packed full. This had always been the game of the year to watch but this year it stood for so much more. The rivalry between Gryffindor and Slytherin had been strong enough for generations but it seemed to have reached a peek within the last year. Recent events outside Hogwarts coupled with the knowledge that which ever team won this match would win the championship had made it all anyone could talk about for weeks. Hufflepuff's victory over Ravenclaw a few weeks previously in a match so riddled with clumsy mistakes had meant that even their own housemates had taken to donning red and gold for this occasion in the knowledge that the cup was going to one of these teams. Added to the natural aversion to Slytherin house in general was a great deal of bad feeling that they had managed to find an excuse for altering the schedule so that they had faced the easiest team first, allowing them greater time to practice before they faced the team that had come closest to them in last year's championships.

"Lily," she turned to hear Dorcas Meadows, the Head Girl, calling her over with a wave.

"Hi," she exclaimed pushing her way pass a group of first years. "You haven't seen Bertha or Mary have you."

Dorcas shook her head, "Sorry."

"It's alright. I stopped to talk to someone and they vanished." She looked at her watch, "The game will start any second I'll probably spot them when everyone stops moving around," she cast her eyes around the pitch. "Never seen so much red and gold," she observed with a smile.

"Apparently we're the lesser of two evils," Dorcas responded adjusting her own Gryffindor scarf proudly.

"You mean we're the good guys against the evil," Chris, the Seventh year Gryffindor prefect, shot in smiling at Lily. They were both wearing the customary red and gold scarves, huddled together under a Gryffindor flag.

"Something like that," Dorcas shrugged. "Either way if we win you can be damn sure we'll be punished for it."

"Well aren't you a little ray of sunshine this morning Dor," Chris mumbled, as Lily took a seat beside the blonde. She noticed Avery sitting across from her, his arm slung round the shoulders of a brunette, both of them decked out in Slytherin green.

"I heard about that," Dorcas told her, indicating Avery. "Hestia mentioned it. You should have reported it."

"Perhaps," she sighed. "I guess I've given up reporting it. Doesn't seem to make much difference."

"Still. You should do."

"You have to say that," Lily reminded her. "You're Head Girl, I'm pretty sure it's your job to make sure these things get properly reported."

"But still-" Dorcas began to argue before Chris cut across her.

"Let it go Dorcas." He turned to Lily. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really," she admitted. "But I get the impression you two do."

Dorcas shook her head and frowned over in the direction of the Slytherins. "There are a million things I would rather talk about than those bastards," she told her. "But I'm worried about you Lily. Hestia says these things keep happening to you and Mary."

"No more than everyone else," Lily replied levelly. "I mean we're Gryffindors which always put us in a worse position but still, Hestia just hangs around with us more than other Muggleborns."

Dorcas mumbled something under her breath and Chris laid a hand on her arm. "You can't save the world on your own Dor," he reminded her firmly.

She snorted at that. "Exactly, which is why I can't understand why Dumbledore landed me with a bloody Slytherin as the Head Boy."

"He's not as bad as the rest of them," Lily reminded her fairly. For whilst Marcus Cunningham was a Slytherin, from traditional pure blooded Slytherin stock, he at least had enough regard for school rules to not go around hexing every Muggleborn that came into his path. His sights were set on the upper echelons of the Ministry and thus reputations, even school ones, were everything.

"Perhaps but he won't punish them either," Dorcas said. "McGonagall's been breathing down my neck about the prefects encouraging inter-house unity since the beginning of the year. A united front between Marcus and I should, in her opinion, help to stimulate such things."

Lily's mind floated to her own inter-house friendship and she scanned the crowd once again this time looking for Severus. She knew better than to look for long. He never came to these things if he could help it and today was probably no exception. In his eyes school was not for wasting time on things as trivial as sport. She had been thinking about him more in the last couple of days, in the two weeks since that day in Hogsmead. The words of Avery and Mulciber seemed on repeat in her brain. Was he really helping them now? He had always associated with the wrong kind, but, Lily was forced to defend he had been rather like Marcus Cunningham, associated with but never directly involved in, but had things really changed that much, was he now helping to curse people like her.

She thought back to the moment that had become the defining moment in the end of their friendship; after last years Defence exam. So many times she had been forced to consider that perhaps she had acted rashly that day. Would forgiving him have prevented this? She had hung behind in Potions every day for the last two weeks until yesterday Lauren had been waiting outside the room until she finally left. It's not your fault, she had been told. It was strange, going to one of the girls first now instead of Severus for advice, or whenever she wanted to swap homework or talk.

"Well, well, well, my dear and not so dear, fellow students..." the voice of Sirius Black interrupted her thoughts as the megaphone projected it loud and clear around the stands of the Hogwarts Quidditch pitch.

"Say what you want about the bloke," Chris observed, "He never fails us on Gryffindor spirit."

Lily couldn't help but smile as she looked down. Sirius' head was barely visible from under the layers of Gryffindor scarves and flags that had been draped over him, a scarlett and gold knitted hat was pulled down over his head. He had even found a way to charm the megaphone Gryffindor stripes. "He's one of a kind that for sure."

"Why does McGonagall insist on giving a microphone to someone who really loves the sound of his own voice?"

"Because he can charm anything out of anyone. Speaking of," Lily looked at her. "I heard something last Saturday," she began slowly, looking poignantly at Dorcas.

"That the sound of his own voice isn't the only thing he likes," Chris finished for her with a smirk.

"Something like that. The girls are very taken by the idea," she added.

"Isn't everyone?" Chris agreed. "It's hands down the best thing that's happened to me all year."

"Please," Dorcas rolled her eyes. "It's just a rumour. We've known each other since we were kids. He makes me laugh, that is all."

"Half the female population of Hogwarts would kill to be in your position," Lily reminded her.

"Well, half the female population of Hogwarts aren't trying to get top grades so they can join the Auror department and do their bit to help sort out this mess that we all seem to have found ourselves in, whilst also trying to stop some idiotic sods who feel the need to do their bit in school. Oh an don't forget to add to that trying to keep some sort of control over the antics of that Sirius Black and his equally idiotic if not equally hilarious partner in crime James Potter. Other girls may have time to swoon over him, I, however," she gave them both a poignant look, "Do not."

Lily nodded. "Right."

"Then there's that argument," Chris added.

Dorcas turned to him. "Perhaps you should sort out your own relationship before you comment on mine."

Lily allowed herself a small smirk as she returned her attention to the pitch.

"Here comes Gryffindor," Sirius was yelling enthusiastically. "Believed to be the strongest Gryffindor team for a number of years they are lead by their Captain James Potter. Behind him his fellow chasers Lauren Richmond and Jane Andrews, then seeker Hestia Jones, keeper Craven Wallis and bring up the rear beaters Robert Smith and Simon Milton. Good luck kids," he finished as the team landed on the ground in front of their Slytherin counterparts.

"The captains will, as is tradition," Sirius informed the crowd grimly. "Shake hands."

Potter and Mulciber were standing in front of each other, both clasping their broomsticks next to Madame Gregory, the Quidditch teacher, it was difficult to tell which face look liked they rather just be given wands and be done with it more.

"I wish Potter would just deck him once and for all," Chris muttered. Dorcas hit him.

The crowd was nearly silent. Lily had never seen such determination in Potter's face. His jaw was set; there was none of his playful edge but in its place pure concentration. It happened as if in slow motion, their hands meet for a quick brief handshake.

"Wow that was awkward," Sirius muttered. "Madame Gregory's final words is the request of a fair game," he laughed. "At least you're trying Madame but have you seen whose our opponent is."

"Black," McGonagall warned him, to which he only responded with a winning smile.

"The teams are mounting their brooms, and kicking off. There goes the quaffle, next the bludgers, and finally," he paused as every set of eyes in the crowd watch the tiny gold glint rise and hover in front of the teams for a second, before it was gone. "There goes the snitch. Five, four, three, two, one and we're off," he yelled, as the crowd gave an almighty cheer.

Sirius had been correct; from the second the whistle was blown the game was violent. Lily wasn't sure had ever seen a game quite like this. Everything seemed to be moving in a hyper speed as both teams found any means possible to steal the quaffle from the other, whilst the bludgers were being smacked around the air with more ferocity and speed than Lily had originally thought was possible. The game continued in this style for about fifteen minutes, the balls making their way from team to team with angry shouts from the two captains when a player fumbled and lost possession. Lily searched the sky for Hestia who was circling the pitch out of the mess of the rest of the game, her eyes focused as she tried desperately to search for the snitch. Even Lily, who knew little about Quidditch, understood that the teams seemed so evenly matched that catching the snitch was going to be the only way to call this one.

But finally, out of nowhere, the break everyone was waiting for came. A Slytherin chaser dropped the quaffle, and Lauren was underneath her catching it. She looped it over the top of another player to Jane who spun down the middle of the teams, passing it to James, who dipped the quaffle around the Slytherin keeper and into the hoop on the left.

"And we're off," Sirius announced triumphantly. "Nice one mate."

Lily cheered her eyes lingering on James for a moment, as he punched the air and flew passed Hestia, but there it was a bludger heading straight in his direction, "Potter," she called out, covering her face with her hands as Potter seemed to have failed to notice the ball that was pelting full speed towards him. But Milton was there within seconds, his beater's bat smashing it right back in the direction of a Slytherin chaser who was now in possession of the Quaffle.

"You do not," Madame Gregory was yelling angrily, her own fist raised to the air, "Attack a chaser unless they are in position of the Quaffle."

Lily slowly peeled her hands back from her face just as the Slytherin's managed to put the quaffle past the Gryffindor keeper, who shot left as the ball went right and into the top hoop.

"Bollocks," was Sirius barley audible exclamation as the groans from three quarters of the crowd nearly drowned out the cheers from the other section.

"Black," McGonagall warned his severely. "Last warning."

* * *

"You'd have think we'd won the cup," Lily observed as she lent back in her seat to the left of the fire and glanced once more about the Common Room.

"We sort of have," Bertha reminded her, raising her butter beer with a smile.

The Common Room was in the full swinging of a celebration that would have been befitting, if not actually over the top, for such an occasion. Lily hadn't seen a party like it since Gryffindor had won the cup back in her third year. Finally, after over two hours of play, which had felt like a lifetime to Lily who had seemed to have spent most of it hiding behind her hands, Hestia had caught the snitch. Gryffindor had won the game 420 to 250. Lily had been swept up in the sea of scarlett and gold celebration. Chris had tugging her along chanting, "Party in the Common Room," in her ear as Dorcas had huffed something about some prefect he was turning out to be.

An assortment of drinks, most notably butterbeer, alongside others that Lily suspected Dorcas might have much more to say about had been somehow been retrieved from Hogsmead, as well as a number of sweets, while a number of cakes had been fetched from the kitchens. It did not take much to guess who was responsible for the feast; they were usually the two most raucous members of the party, along with help from Remus and Peter and other members of the Quidditch team. Hestia and Lauren were usually on the kitchen runs.

Bertha sighed and looked around the room once more. "There should be more Quidditch games," she muttered.

"I'm not sure people could cope with it."

"Yeah, but there's better Saturday night entertainment." She inclined her head in the direction of the Portrait Hole where Dorcas was standing opposite a slightly worn out Sirius. It seemed she had caught him returning to the Common Room with something she didn't quite approve of. Lily watched as the two stared at each other for a second, and Sirius took her hand, leaning forward to whisper something to her. She quickly pushed him back and swotted him away and he made his way across the Common Room laughing.

"I mean it Sirius Black," she called after him. "Don't you dare-"

But he had already opened his hands, and a series of small fireworks in red and gold erupted around the Common Room with a series of bangs and swooshes. The whole Common Room cheered as Dorcas shook her head, before making off in the direction of Sirius.

"I'm going to go and find Mary," Bertha said standing up. "Some Gryffindor pride she has missing this for a quick snog." Far from affronted she seemed proud. Lily laughed as Bertha made her way through the crowd to the Portrait Hole.

She gazed around the Common Room once more searching for Hestia and Lauren. They were just to the right of the staircase to the boys' dormitories, where a small drinks table had been set up, taking in the party with James and the final chaser Jane, a petite blonde fifth year who had joined the team only the year before. She watched the group for a second her eyes lingering on Potter. There had been whispers about the friendship between Jane and him for a couple of months, that their relationship was starting to stretch to being more than simply Captain and Chaser and from the way he gave her a quick wink as he handed her a bottle of butterbeer Lily wondered if for once the Hogwarts rumour mill might actually be on to something. It would mean that he was over her. Why wouldn't he be, she thought, the pair of them had barely spoken in months and had she not told him there was no chance of anything ever happening between them. She took a long sip of her own drink and thought over her conversation with Dorcas from the week before. It wasn't only Severus who she had been toying with approaching all week, but Potter as well.

Yet she found that she was even more confused as to where to start with him than she was with Severus. There was a small part of her that couldn't help but feel her and Potter were better of left in their current state of avoiding each other. After all their relationship from the first five years of Hogwarts had hardly been a pleasant one. She had spent most of those early years hugely disliking him for his arrogance, and the way that he treated others, especially Severus. Being Severus' best friend came with the pre-requisite of disliking James Potter. Then he had saved Severus' life and of course it had changed the way she had seen him but in the end it couldn't change everything. She leaned back in her chair and continued to watch him; but perhaps it wasn't only about her anymore. She had not made a greater attempt at a friendship with James before because of her loyalty to Severus but now she'd owed her loyalty to others. For the last five years she had been able to hide away in her their friendship, sure she had been close to the girls in her dormitory but her friendship with Severus had always meant that she had never had the same closeness with them than she had had with him. He had always been her primary confidant, her best friend. Until last year when they began to drift apart until that drift had become irreparable. Now she had found herself spending increasing amounts of time with Hestia and Lauren, both of whom spent a large amount of time with James, so she owed it to them to try and make amends.

"You know he's not that bad."

"Hmm?" she muttered, swallowing the last of her drink as Remus took the seat in front of her. He looked drained and Lily tried to quickly recall the lunar calendar, was full moon approaching. "Who isn't that bad?"

He moved his head in a soft indication of where she had been staring moments before. "James."

"Oh," she began, before merely settling on, "I know."

He gave her a disbelieving look. "If you say so."

"We just have a way of getting off on the wrong foot. Contrary to popular opinion I don't dislike him. I just, I guess I don't know him. Plus he seems to make it his life ambition to wind me up."

"And what's stopping you?"

"I'm sorry?"

She noticed he looked a little uncomfortable about what he had started but she gave him a look that told told him it was his own fault and so he repeated the question. "What's stopping you getting to know him?"

"I don't know," she considered the question. "Nothing really I suppose. Why do you suddenly care?"

"Because you've been looking at him for a good twenty minutes as though there's something you have to say to him but simply can't bring yourself to get up and walk the distance."

Lily smiled. "I'm not really sure what to say to him. I mean I don't know how to start. I told him he made me sick Remus. Not exactly the basis for friendship."

"It was nearly a year ago."

"So he's forgotten all about it?" she asked him.

Remus considered her for a second, Lily got the impression he was weighing up how honest to be, before he settled on, "Not exactly."

"And we were never exactly close friends," Lily continued. "I mean it wasn't like what I said that day finally ruined a friendship. To be honest I'd nearly had a go at him countless times before."

"I think a lot of things finally burst that day," he reminded her. "His arrogance is just a front you know. He likes you and you're the only person who has ever turned him down and he's not sure how to handle it. So he shows off more to cover the fact you actually hurt him. That day was no different, he just added public humiliation to the mix."

"Liked me," Lily corrected him.

Remus shrugged. "Either way."

"But the way they are towards Severus," she argued.

"Isn't right," Remus interrupted her quickly. "I never said it was nor will you ever here me say it." Lily felt guilty at the tone of reassurance and guilt that was in his voice. He had never joined in, never even laughed when his friends did anything to Severus. "James and Sirius are not the most rational individuals," he continued, "But it doesn't make them bad people. They have just grown up with a lot of reasons to despise people like Snape. Sirius' family, well, you've seen Regulus around, everyone knows that story. James' is different. Mr Potter has spent his life fighting dark magic that Snape seems so keen to learn and the prejudices against Muggleborns that the Slytherins continue to pursue. He's grown up with this knowledge of what is wrong with the wizarding world and then watched how it nearly destroyed his best friend."

"But that day on the train, that first day," she retorted, needing to justify her reasons to someone. "His mind was set up the moment we walked into that carriage."

"So was Snape's." Remus looked at her poignantly, "And so was yours. That's what I've found the strangest about this whole thing. James is determined and spontaneous. You not so much. You're one of the kindest people I know and yet when it comes to him, there's something that just stops that in you. I mean you gave Snape endless chances and yet you finally started to give James one and you just gave up on him like that."

"That's different," Lily pointed out.

Remus shrugged again, "Perhaps. The way I see it is this you've been staring at him for the last half an hour so I'd go and talk to him before the whole of Gryffindor thinks you're harbouring some unrequited crush, and I'd start with thank you. I mean that is what you want to say to him isn't it."

"Do you ever get sick of being smart Remus?"

"Observant. Here," he passed her a liquorice wand. "And no you don't want to know how I got it." He got up from the chair.

"Remus," she called after him, she wanted to tell him that she knew that he was not the same as his friends. That she knew that he had the greatest reasons to dislike Severus, who had been making sure Lily was aware of the truth about his disappearances for years, but that would involve telling him that she knew what he was. She paused for a second and he looked at her inquisitively. She couldn't bring herself to force him to discuss something he was obviously so keen to avoid and she simply settled on "Thanks."

He stared at her, and once again Lily got the impression he knew way more than he was letting on. He nodded at her and walked away.

* * *

"So you won't hex him then?" Hestia asked him.

"It's still definitely an option," James admitted. "Still it was definitely a good start." He raised his butterbeer bottle with a satisfied smile, "To victory," he declared, "And putting the Slytherins firmly in the place."

"To victory," Hestia and Lauren agreed, clinking their bottles against his.

"Ah the man of the hour," he declared as Remus approached.

Remus looked at him confused before turning to the girls. "How much has he had?"

"I mean it," James told him. "Your little speech about Quidditch being the way to get him back worked wonders."

"Perhaps they should make me Captain," Remus replied dryly.

"James here can be Head Boy." Hestia added.

"Seriously mate, occasionally you talk some sense. I owe you one."

"Several actually," Remus corrected him, indicating in the direction of Lily who seemed to be heading their way. "I'm going to go find Peter," he excused himself.

"We'll come help you," Lauren added, giving Remus an apologetic glance as he looked rather uncomfortable by the idea, before she and Hestia followed him away. "Hey Lils," she greeted her friend as they passed.

"Hey," she replied coming to stand in front of James.

"Hi," he muttered.

They stood there looking at each other for what seemed like an age and James cursed himself. Over the summer and the beginning of the school year he'd played this moment over in his head more times than he would ever have admitted to anyone, even himself. The moment what she might finally attempt to talk to him and he would, well he wasn't quite sure what he was expected to do, but in all of his practising he had come off as witty and charming. They would laugh about what had happened. In none of his thoughts was he just silently staring at her. He looked to the drinks next to him. "Um, did you want a butter beer or something?" he asked.

She shifted her weight from one foot to the other and back again. "No that's not, well, actually yes, ok. That would be nice."

He put his own bottle down, before he wordlessly removed a lid from another bottle and passed it to her.

"Thanks," she said, taking a long sip.

He took a drink of his own drink just looking at her trying to find something to say.

"Congratulations," she told him. "On the game."

"Thanks. It was a good game," he agreed smugly. "I mean we played well," he corrected himself frustrated. After all, it had been a good game but why did he feel like everything positive thing he said to her about himself was now bordering on extreme arrogance.

Whether she noticed his tone or just ignored it he wasn't sure but she carried on as if she hadn't heard it. "I mean it, I don't think I could have stood it. If he'd won today."

He had never taken Lily as the kind of girl who was set much in store by Quidditch as far as he was aware she had never shown any interest in the sport aside from turning out to support her own house. Even though two of the girls she shared a dorm with were on the team he had always been under the impression that was more for the house points that the winning the Quidditch cup could give them than the game itself that was important to her. Added to this she had always made it quite clear about her opinions on the effect she believed Quidditch had had on his personal development. He feared saying anything else might make him come off as conceited so he merely took another long sip of his drink. Lily did the same, turning slightly to look around the Common Room. "It's quite a party," she muttered. "McGonagall's going to go mental if she sees it."

"Probably." The silence returned between them once again and James took another sip of his drink, trying to think of something to say. Perhaps it was best to say nothing but the silence was torture. Although he had long been of the conclusion that she just liked to torture him.

"Look," Lily started softly and hesitantly, laying her drink down on the table beside her. "I didn't actually come here to talk about Quidditch. I wanted to talk to you about," she paused, and he looked at her questioningly. "About last weekend. I wanted to say thank you."

He considered her for a minute. Thank you. He couldn't help but smile. She had wanted to say thank you. He repressed a grin at the thought of how nervous she looked trying to do it. "Not a problem," he replied. "So long as your ok?" he hadn't meant it to come out as a question, but his tone gave him away.

"I am," she nodded. "Thank you."

He nodded. Her obvious discomfort, and the way she was continually glancing about the Common Room as if looking for some form of escape route from this conversation was making him feel nervous and something in his head was telling him it was time to quit before anything had the potential to turn sour. "Then I don't think it needs to be mentioned again," he said, leaning down to get her drink and passing it back to her.

Lily looked at the drink for a moment and then back up at James. "It does." He couldn't help but narrow his eyes at her. It was official, she just liked to torture him and, for that matter, it seemed she rather liked torturing herself. "As much as it pains me to admit they might actually be decent wizards they both are and it might of ended worse for me had you not come along and," she paused again and looked down at her drink, "I wouldn't have exactly blamed you for not getting involved in my life, I've been pretty clear about that."

The crease between his brows became more defined as he considered her. "Did you honestly think I would just let them hex you?" there was no disguising the disbelief and annoyance in his tone.

"No," she said, backtracking quickly. "I mean," she sighed heavily. "After the Defence exam last year I told you I didn't need you to defend me and yet you keep doing it no matter what I say so I just wanted to say thank you for that."

"Oh." So she wanted to talk about the Defence exam, James braced himself. Sure he had thought about what he would say to her if the topic ever came up but he had never expected it to. "Look," he began slowly. "About what happened last year I wanted to say to you that I'm sorry for what happened. I know that I should have said this nearly a year ago but I didn't and I can't do anything about that now but you should know some things. It wasn't supposed to go the way it did. I know you're not going to believe me but it was supposed to be harmless." He prepared himself for her to argue that point and kept going quickly before she had the time to interrupt. "We'd been in that exam hall all day and I don't do well at being cooped up and Sniv-, Snape," he corrected himself, "He'd been goading me for weeks about, well, it doesn't really matter about what, but I never meant for you to get involved."

"Potter," she began, she had laid her drink back down on the table.

"No, just a second. I didn't want to make excuses for it but there they are anyway. What I wanted to say was I've never meant for you to get involved in anything that happened between Snape and I. Hestia told me how it destroyed your friendship with him and whilst I don't like the guy and I think you can do better I didn't ever want that. I promise I didn't."

She stared at him for a moment, and James considered whether or not she was going to yell at him. He couldn't help but wonder if she was using the moment of silence to decide what hex to use. "Why now?" was her tentative reply.

"I'm sorry?"

"Why now?" she repeated the question, this time with greater conviction.

"Um, I know I should have said it months ago but I figured you probably didn't want to hear it but since you swallowed your pride to say thanks I figured now was the time or me to swallow mine."

"Well thank you, again, I guess, but it was slightly unnecessary. Potter what happened really wasn't your fault you know, as much as I'd have liked to have blamed you," she admitted. "Hestia was wrong; whilst that day might have finally destroyed my friendship with Severus you did not. Nothing you did that day was right but he didn't have to use the word he did."

"But if I hadn't-"

"He would have said it eventually. You just encouraged it along a bit. It had been happening for ages, years even and I should have admitted it to myself a long time before that. Sure I wish it had happened in a slightly more private setting but you can't have everything in life. It was time that I faced up to the fact that like most people we just took different paths." "Oh," he said. She smiled at him. "Well, congratulations on the game. Enjoy your night Potter."

"You too," he replied, as she picked up her drink and walked over to join her friends. His head was racing, she didn't blame him, she didn't seem to hate him and her friendship with Snape was definitely over.

"Well, well, well, I think I might need to borrow your glasses Prongs, because I must be seeing things." Sirius was standing in front of him with a smirk.

"Bit like you over there with our dear old Head Girl," James retorted, trying to keep his face neutral.

"Seriously," Sirius lowered his voice slightly. "What the hell was that?" he indicated Lily's retreating back.

"Buggered if I know Padfoot," he replied. He raised the bottle to his lips slowly. He dared think about the meaning of it too much, dared allow himself to read anything more than it was just her doing the right thing, because of course she would do, she was Lily Evans. But he could not silence the small niggle in his mind that told him if he didn't screw this up maybe this could be them turning a corner.

 

**Author's Note:** I can't believe I've done two chapters and around 13000 words with only this little Sirius/James interaction. It's coming next I promise. Chapter title was for no other reason than it was what I lot of the Quidditch stuff was thought up to, I think I was in the gym. Reviews would be lovely, I'd love to know what people think of the last two chapters.


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